Here's what I know:
Dad had fallen a week ago Friday, on the steps of the Parish House, striking his face and bumping him up other wise. He seemed only ok all week, complaining of back pain and leg spasms but not being willing to go to the doctor until Jeanette suggested it on Friday. By then it was too late for an office visit. When Dad didn't come to Sabbath School, I called and he told me he wasn't feeling up to coming to church, but I was obligated to take pictures (for hire) at a family reunion, so Jeanette checked on him after lunch. Later in the afternoon we dropped Ian off with him so we could go to a dinner for Jeanette and her colleagues and their spouses. When we picked Ian up at 11:30 that night, he and Dad had been watching cartoons and talking, and Dad was on his feet, although he didn't look great. In the morning, I was on the phone dealing with Fire Company and other business for a while, so I didn't call Dad until 11:00 or so. He didn't answer, but he has lost track of where the cordless phone is, before, so I was only a little worried at first. He forgets that I set up a spare for him, so I figured I'd just call back a little later.
When I did call back, I still got no answer, so I told Jeanette I was going to check on him. When I got to the house, both doors were still locked so I was getting a bit anxious, but was relieved that although I found him on the bedroom floor, he was conscious and there were only a few spots of blood on the floor (from his forehead, I think).
It took some doing, but I was able to re-construct what I think happened: While getting ready for bed, he toppled over and bopped the right side of his forehead on a bookcase or something. From there he got himself to bed but didn't get a cordless phone to keep with him. A couple hours later, he got up and went to the bathroom but fell there. He thinks he got up, but fell again, and then pulled himself into the bedroom and pulled a small blanket onto himself and lay there beside the heater vent until I came to the house. He did not pass out, he says, and never felt dizzy.
I helped him up onto the bed and got him dressed and called Jeanette and got his medicines and cane and such, and walked him out to the van. I tried calling Dr. Coch at home but got no answer. I also called Jeanette and she agreed to meet us at the hospital.
Once we got to Jones hospital in Wellsville (at about 1:15 yesterday afternoon), they did a CAT-scan, numerous X-rays, took blood and urine samples, examined almost every square inch of him at least once, questioned him and me, and made him wait for about six hours without even a sip of water, even though the ER doctor had initially talked about either a urinary tract infection or dehydration as being the source of his trouble.
I had to learn from the attending doctor that they planned to admit him, as the ER doctor never returned to advise us of his findings (they had a couple trauma patients and I heard someone say it was the worst day they'd ever had in the ER), even though I saw him coming and going between rooms several times.
Jeanette had taken Ian to get some late lunch and brought back a burger for me, so I took a few minutes outside to try to reach you guys. I went with Dad for the X-rays, but by that time Jeanette and Ian had gone home.
I stayed until Dad was set up in room 330A. I think Mom was put in that room on one of her stays.......you can call Dad at 585 593 1100.
Nurses and doctors had talked about his potassium levels being high, so I made a point of telling them that he was using potassium chloride as a salt substitute, and had used potassium chloride in his water softener ion exchanger. I was afraid I had caused the problem, and was feeling badly that I had not checked on him earlier, and was kicking myself for not taking him to the doctor sooner, kicking and screaming if necessary.
I stuck around long enough to try to be sure all the details were taken care of and he was relatively comfortable (he didn't flinch when they put in the I.V. nor the Foley catheter, but had some pain when they did X-rays). I had to pester the nurses, once he was finally checked in and catheterized, to get him a tuna sandwich and some juice, because of course the kitchen was closed by then (~9:00 pm).
When I talked with Dr. Coch this morning, he said he felt Dad's fall last week may be when a compression fracture of a lumbar vertebra was sustained, since Dad had complained of some back pain after that. Dr. Coch said he could perhaps treat the fracture but isn't advocating it. I confirmed with him that the X-ray technician said Dad's bone density was good for someone of his age.
I asked Dr. Coch if Dad's potassium being off could be because I had used potassium chloride in his water softener and he was using potassium chloride as a salt (sodium chloride) substitute. He said no, but that he thinks it's because he had Dad on an ASE Inhibitor, so he's taken him off that and will re-evaluate the situation. Coch is having the Foley catheter and IV taken out today and is ordering therapy to help get his strength. He also told me that Dad is fibrillating, and he is sending him for an echo test (I assume echo-cardiogram).
I'll ask him about scheduling the removal of the basal cell cancer on his right arm, when I talk with him again. Dr. Coch didn't say any other serious injuries resulted from his multiple falls Saturday night, although he looks like he got mugged, what with bruises on his face and the back of his head, his forearm, and back.
Dr. Coch said something about the sad aspect of age catching up with Dad, when he has defied it for so long.
I'm heading over there in a while, and will take a copy of his medical proxy and living will. He told Dr. Coch he wants to place a D.N.R. (do not resuscitate order) on file, too.
Thank you, Barb and Carol, for getting him signed up for Medicare Part A, as I hope it will cover most of these costs, but I haven't asked those questions yet.
Jeanette and I have already discussed moving back in with Dad, but we'll have to see how things look when he gets out of the hospital. We will work out a way to be with him most of the time until he gets his strength back, and Bert and Cathy and Carol have all made overtures about spending time with Dad, at one point or another. Thank you, as I'm sure we will need help.
On top of everything else last week, Bob and Lois sent a message informing me that they had already filed Ethel's "married but separate" tax return, and Sherm received an assessment notice indicating that the value of 33 S. Main just went from $70,000 to over $100,000.
I'm still waiting to hear about the job at the University Equestrian Center, but if I get it, it will mean more income than I've ever made before (and probably plenty of headaches, but some horsey, outdoorsy pleasures, too). We could sure use that right now.
I have not heard from Sun Publishing yet, and am still holding off on other options until I get more news.........too many balls in the air! I am considering withdrawing my name from the ballot as a candidate for Alfred Village Justice............the election is the 20th.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Watching and Worrying
Hello again folks,
I spent a fair amount of time talking with Dad this week, much of it just re-assuring him about things like my willingness to take him places and do things to help him and that he has enough money so that if he wants some cash he can just get it, without worrying about the exact balance. After having apparently mastered the task several times before, he had had trouble when he went to the ATM on Monday, so I went with him and talked him through the procedure. That was on Wednesday, I think.
Then we went to the other bank and rolled over the Certificate of Deposit that had matured, so that it is in my name and his, rather than Ethel's and his. He had been prepared to send the proceeds to Lois but I talked him out of it on the basis that, although it was invested with funds from Ethel's tax return, he had a stake in it. I reinforced the idea that he has more potential need than she will, and that she probably intended him to have it, even if she could not really answer the question competently now.
I am now a joint proprietor of all his accounts, I think. The power of attorney he has given me will cease at the moment of his death, so now I'll be able to take care of things without waiting for probate of his will, to act as executor.
I'm still trying to find a death certificate for Aunt Dora so I can get access to the rest of the Allegheny Energy stock and get it invested with the others that have come down from Uncle George Degen, since before the Depression. We had started the process of getting that done several years ago but the papers languished with him in SC when Ethel started getting to be so needy. So now the stocks have been designated unclaimed assets, and I have to file a claim with the state to get them back. They aren't worth a great deal, but have been paying regular dividends for years and Dad has not cashed them because Aunt Dora's name is on one account. The company assured me they would pay all unclaimed dividends, once we got the ownership transferred. Dad had successfully gotten one stock certificate transferred to his and Mom's name, so I have that one taken care of, but the other certificate is turning out to be a pain in the ass to reclaim. I know I've seen a death certificate for Aunt Dora but we can't locate it, so I've tried to get a duplicate but neither the town of Alfred, nor Hornell City, nor North Hornell village, nor Hornellsville township has any record of her death. The certificate is supposed to be issued at the place of her death, and I believe she died in Bethesda Hospital or an affiliated nursing home, but I'm still trying to track that down. I still have to try South Hornell, if that's an official municipality, and the village of Alfred, or resort to requesting a copy from Albany.
Dad is having a hard time being positive about much of anything, takes forever to decide the smallest thing, and has been saying he wanted to counsel with someone. For some time he had said he would like to talk with Pat Bancroft and I encouraged him to call her and set it up, but he told me recently that she didn't seem interested. I talked with her about Dad some yesterday, and she told me that she had offered to come by for a pastoral visit several times, and he had turned her down. So there are evidently mixed signals being misinterpreted there.
I certainly have trouble on that score, as I try to ask direct questions and get all kinds of answers from him, and explain things but find that he didn't get any of what I said. I have talked with Dad -- and I try to do it right at the moment it occurs so he'll understand -- about how he tries to anticipate others' needs and wishes and ends up not answering the question at all, but he's never caught on very well. I remember talking with him about that back when I was still working at AVX.
Dad recognizes that misunderstandings occur, but can't seem to shake off old habits. I've increasingly come to feel that Dad is obsequious in many circumstances, and yet he can be so stubborn about doing things in his "Scotch" fashion in relation to me. I keep trying to give him reasons to assert his own needs and wants and take some pleasure in living, rather than just being plain stubborn about squeezing the last bit of juice out of a lemon.
I've talked with Dad about not walking downtown when the sidewalks are bad, and I offer to take him places and walk with him when I can, but he keeps saying he doesn't want to bother me. He has vacillated back and forth several times about whether he wants to have a car so he can do his own errands.
After agreeing that he wouldn't venture out again, earlier this week, he did. That's when he had all the trouble with the ATM, but he didn't walk across the street and pick up his prescription refill while he was out. Then, yesterday, he had walked to the bank to get more cash, then to Kinfolk Grocery, and then was headed to vespers at the Parish House when he stumbled at the top of the stairs of the Parish House and hit his nose and forehead. The steps, mind you, were bare of ice, and he was holding the railing with one hand and had his groceries in the other. He was evidently bleeding a good bit, as I would expect since he's on aspirin regimen, but resisted being treated, but Pat (who is now an EMT), got the bleeding stopped.
When I joined the vespers-goers so we could all have supper, I saw that he was pretty well bunged up, and later asked about his glasses. He admitted they were scratched but when I suggested we'd better replace them he said "There's no need to replace them at my age". I pointed out he had complained earlier this week about not being able to work the ATM, and had not been able to read several things very well, even before the glasses were damaged, but I guess I have yet another challenge ahead, just to get him set up with usable glasses (the ones he had were already pretty badly scratched and even Doctor Coch had snatched them off Dad's head during his latest visit, and cleaned them.
I know Dad has the right to do as he chooses, and I know that it's difficult to change old habits, but I also want him to have what he needs and have some chances to take pleasure in things. He has denied himself so much for so long that he just doesn't seem to know how to do that. He worries about things that I see no need to worry about, and doesn't care about some things that I think could give him some real joy. Oh well, I'll keep working with him and trying to give him as many good days as he can get, and not create new trouble for him.
The Rogers are selling Al and Janette's old house, where the Bancrofts have been living, and the Bancrofts don't think they dare try to buy it, as Tim is preparing to leave his current job, and Pat is relying on a congregation of old folks for her salary. So I'd like to broach the subject of renting the second floor of 33 South Main to them, with all of you.
Cathy, I understand you invited Dad to come and stay with you for a while. When is Purim, and could I bring Dad to Sherm's some weekend and come back a week or two later, to get him?
I spent a fair amount of time talking with Dad this week, much of it just re-assuring him about things like my willingness to take him places and do things to help him and that he has enough money so that if he wants some cash he can just get it, without worrying about the exact balance. After having apparently mastered the task several times before, he had had trouble when he went to the ATM on Monday, so I went with him and talked him through the procedure. That was on Wednesday, I think.
Then we went to the other bank and rolled over the Certificate of Deposit that had matured, so that it is in my name and his, rather than Ethel's and his. He had been prepared to send the proceeds to Lois but I talked him out of it on the basis that, although it was invested with funds from Ethel's tax return, he had a stake in it. I reinforced the idea that he has more potential need than she will, and that she probably intended him to have it, even if she could not really answer the question competently now.
I am now a joint proprietor of all his accounts, I think. The power of attorney he has given me will cease at the moment of his death, so now I'll be able to take care of things without waiting for probate of his will, to act as executor.
I'm still trying to find a death certificate for Aunt Dora so I can get access to the rest of the Allegheny Energy stock and get it invested with the others that have come down from Uncle George Degen, since before the Depression. We had started the process of getting that done several years ago but the papers languished with him in SC when Ethel started getting to be so needy. So now the stocks have been designated unclaimed assets, and I have to file a claim with the state to get them back. They aren't worth a great deal, but have been paying regular dividends for years and Dad has not cashed them because Aunt Dora's name is on one account. The company assured me they would pay all unclaimed dividends, once we got the ownership transferred. Dad had successfully gotten one stock certificate transferred to his and Mom's name, so I have that one taken care of, but the other certificate is turning out to be a pain in the ass to reclaim. I know I've seen a death certificate for Aunt Dora but we can't locate it, so I've tried to get a duplicate but neither the town of Alfred, nor Hornell City, nor North Hornell village, nor Hornellsville township has any record of her death. The certificate is supposed to be issued at the place of her death, and I believe she died in Bethesda Hospital or an affiliated nursing home, but I'm still trying to track that down. I still have to try South Hornell, if that's an official municipality, and the village of Alfred, or resort to requesting a copy from Albany.
Dad is having a hard time being positive about much of anything, takes forever to decide the smallest thing, and has been saying he wanted to counsel with someone. For some time he had said he would like to talk with Pat Bancroft and I encouraged him to call her and set it up, but he told me recently that she didn't seem interested. I talked with her about Dad some yesterday, and she told me that she had offered to come by for a pastoral visit several times, and he had turned her down. So there are evidently mixed signals being misinterpreted there.
I certainly have trouble on that score, as I try to ask direct questions and get all kinds of answers from him, and explain things but find that he didn't get any of what I said. I have talked with Dad -- and I try to do it right at the moment it occurs so he'll understand -- about how he tries to anticipate others' needs and wishes and ends up not answering the question at all, but he's never caught on very well. I remember talking with him about that back when I was still working at AVX.
Dad recognizes that misunderstandings occur, but can't seem to shake off old habits. I've increasingly come to feel that Dad is obsequious in many circumstances, and yet he can be so stubborn about doing things in his "Scotch" fashion in relation to me. I keep trying to give him reasons to assert his own needs and wants and take some pleasure in living, rather than just being plain stubborn about squeezing the last bit of juice out of a lemon.
I've talked with Dad about not walking downtown when the sidewalks are bad, and I offer to take him places and walk with him when I can, but he keeps saying he doesn't want to bother me. He has vacillated back and forth several times about whether he wants to have a car so he can do his own errands.
After agreeing that he wouldn't venture out again, earlier this week, he did. That's when he had all the trouble with the ATM, but he didn't walk across the street and pick up his prescription refill while he was out. Then, yesterday, he had walked to the bank to get more cash, then to Kinfolk Grocery, and then was headed to vespers at the Parish House when he stumbled at the top of the stairs of the Parish House and hit his nose and forehead. The steps, mind you, were bare of ice, and he was holding the railing with one hand and had his groceries in the other. He was evidently bleeding a good bit, as I would expect since he's on aspirin regimen, but resisted being treated, but Pat (who is now an EMT), got the bleeding stopped.
When I joined the vespers-goers so we could all have supper, I saw that he was pretty well bunged up, and later asked about his glasses. He admitted they were scratched but when I suggested we'd better replace them he said "There's no need to replace them at my age". I pointed out he had complained earlier this week about not being able to work the ATM, and had not been able to read several things very well, even before the glasses were damaged, but I guess I have yet another challenge ahead, just to get him set up with usable glasses (the ones he had were already pretty badly scratched and even Doctor Coch had snatched them off Dad's head during his latest visit, and cleaned them.
I know Dad has the right to do as he chooses, and I know that it's difficult to change old habits, but I also want him to have what he needs and have some chances to take pleasure in things. He has denied himself so much for so long that he just doesn't seem to know how to do that. He worries about things that I see no need to worry about, and doesn't care about some things that I think could give him some real joy. Oh well, I'll keep working with him and trying to give him as many good days as he can get, and not create new trouble for him.
The Rogers are selling Al and Janette's old house, where the Bancrofts have been living, and the Bancrofts don't think they dare try to buy it, as Tim is preparing to leave his current job, and Pat is relying on a congregation of old folks for her salary. So I'd like to broach the subject of renting the second floor of 33 South Main to them, with all of you.
Cathy, I understand you invited Dad to come and stay with you for a while. When is Purim, and could I bring Dad to Sherm's some weekend and come back a week or two later, to get him?
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Waiting and wondering
Hello Family,
I interviewed yesterday for a position as Facility Manager at the Alfred University Equestrian Center, and am holding my breath.
I could say, if I believed in destiny, that I've been heading toward this place in my life, for all of my life. Ergo:
As to horses, I remember being bucked off of Prince in North Loup (I think I remember it, but it may be something people kept telling me.....).
I remember that in sixth grade I told Mrs. Barton, my teacher, that I would have a horse farm when I grew up. This one won't be my own, but if I get the job it may seem like it.
Dad loves to tell how, when we visited the Anderson/Rasmussens in the Nebraska sand hills in the 1970s, I climbed up onto one of their horses and cantered away. Mr. Anderson and Dad were fairly impressed, I guess.
I loved the idea of having a pony, so when we got Tory from Jude Frechette I had dreams of riding a lot, but when we moved into the village there just wasn't much opportunity for it, so I have my regrets about all that.
I've been able to get a few chances to ride but it has never been enough. I've told Jeanette I'd love to have a couple horses, but she has no interest in the expense and having to take care of them every day. Yet she was a bridesmaid in a friend's horseback wedding, many years ago.
When we started building our house here, one of the things that appealed to me was the trails on the state land next door, which are intended for walking, bicycling, horseback riding, and cross-country skiing. I've even said I'd prefer to ride a buckboard to town when I need to do errands, just to slow things down.
Ian has enjoyed the times when I've been able to take him on rides at Karns' in Hartsville and Brentwood in Angelica, so I know he's "in" with the idea. He likes shoveling snow at church, so he probably won't mind helping his Dad at mucking out stalls at the Eq. Center, either.
But there I go, hoping and planning.........
I interviewed yesterday for a position as Facility Manager at the Alfred University Equestrian Center, and am holding my breath.
I could say, if I believed in destiny, that I've been heading toward this place in my life, for all of my life. Ergo:
As to horses, I remember being bucked off of Prince in North Loup (I think I remember it, but it may be something people kept telling me.....).
I remember that in sixth grade I told Mrs. Barton, my teacher, that I would have a horse farm when I grew up. This one won't be my own, but if I get the job it may seem like it.
Dad loves to tell how, when we visited the Anderson/Rasmussens in the Nebraska sand hills in the 1970s, I climbed up onto one of their horses and cantered away. Mr. Anderson and Dad were fairly impressed, I guess.
I loved the idea of having a pony, so when we got Tory from Jude Frechette I had dreams of riding a lot, but when we moved into the village there just wasn't much opportunity for it, so I have my regrets about all that.
I've been able to get a few chances to ride but it has never been enough. I've told Jeanette I'd love to have a couple horses, but she has no interest in the expense and having to take care of them every day. Yet she was a bridesmaid in a friend's horseback wedding, many years ago.
When we started building our house here, one of the things that appealed to me was the trails on the state land next door, which are intended for walking, bicycling, horseback riding, and cross-country skiing. I've even said I'd prefer to ride a buckboard to town when I need to do errands, just to slow things down.
Ian has enjoyed the times when I've been able to take him on rides at Karns' in Hartsville and Brentwood in Angelica, so I know he's "in" with the idea. He likes shoveling snow at church, so he probably won't mind helping his Dad at mucking out stalls at the Eq. Center, either.
But there I go, hoping and planning.........
Friday, February 23, 2007
Late February update
Hey Family,
Dad just got the call this morning conveying what the biopsy found in the mole on his right arm: it is a slow-moving basal cell cancer that Dr. Coch recommends removing in about a month. I'll be setting up that appointment and will let you know what's the date. I believe it will be done in the office rather than the hospital.
Just wanted you to know.
More later,
Doug
Dad just got the call this morning conveying what the biopsy found in the mole on his right arm: it is a slow-moving basal cell cancer that Dr. Coch recommends removing in about a month. I'll be setting up that appointment and will let you know what's the date. I believe it will be done in the office rather than the hospital.
Just wanted you to know.
More later,
Doug
Sunday, February 18, 2007
February update
Hello family,
Evidently the Universe (if it may be presumed to have Will) didn't want us to go to South Carolina this week, if last week may be seen as an indicator. Ergo:
On Monday, I got a call asking if I could interview next week, for employment as Facilities Manager at the Alfred University Equestrian Center. I asked if it could be scheduled for the following week.
Tuesday, after Jeanette had bought groceries and done many preparations over the week-end, Ian's Cub Scout banquet was canceled because a winter storm was coming in.
Wednesday, with a foot of snow on the ground, school was canceled so Jeanette stayed home and Ian spent part of the day at a friend's house, while I spent most of Valentine's day plowing and shoveling driveways and sidewalks. The decision to close schools on Thursday also, did not reach Jeanette as it was supposed to.
So, on Thursday, Jeanette got up and started for school, not hearing that school was closed when she checked the Wellsville radio station. I got an e-mail and heard it on the Hornell station, after she left the house. Later that day, Dad got his reminder call about a follow-up examination with Dr. Coch and, although I knew about the appointment, I hadn't gotten it onto my calendar. With Ian home, we had one of his friends over for the day so his father could go to work. Then there was a small fire at Sam Scholes' house, so I assisted with putting that out and getting the smoke out and so on.
All of the above meant that little time was left on Friday to get ready for a trip, and an ambulance call Friday morning cut into that. While I was driving the ambulance, Dad got a call from Lois and spoke with Ethel on the telephone, with the result that he decided our trip was not necessary, for him.
A little later, Dad and I met with Doctor Coch after waiting for more than forty-five minutes, and discussed loss of memory and depression and skin cancer. Bill re-assured Dad that his loss of memory was pretty normal and happens to everyone to some degree. He also told him that he's convinced Dad does not have any form of dementia, but I know Dad is frustrated with it.
Dad said his digestion was better (probably because he's taking 80 mg. enteric aspirin instead of 300 mg. regular aspirin, daily) but we all surmised that although he was feeling some better, perhaps the effect of cold and gray weather had resulted in little net improvement. So Bill had Dad move up to 20 mg. per day of anti-depressant, and he biopsied a mole on Dad's right arm that had snagged on something when Dad was dressing. We were glad Dad had mentioned it to me, as Bill said it looked like another squamous cell cancer. He'll remove it there at his office, if the biopsy comes back as positive for cancer.
When Jeanette was leaving school, she stumbled on the stairs and heard a pop in her ankle and knee, but declined to go to the Emergency Room that night, and we resigned ourselves to staying home for the week, under all these circumstances.
After church and lunch yesterday, we persuaded Jeanette to go to the Emergency Room, where they confirmed that her ankle is sprained but apparently not broken. She went to Camp Planning Committee meeting this morning, but is supposed to keep her leg elevated, iced and splinted for the remainder of the week, so I guess I'll see if they want to do my interview this week, after all.
Cathy and Sherm, do you want to try to come to Alfred next weekend, after all? Let me know, so we can prepare, please.
I just wanted you all to know what's up . . .
Evidently the Universe (if it may be presumed to have Will) didn't want us to go to South Carolina this week, if last week may be seen as an indicator. Ergo:
On Monday, I got a call asking if I could interview next week, for employment as Facilities Manager at the Alfred University Equestrian Center. I asked if it could be scheduled for the following week.
Tuesday, after Jeanette had bought groceries and done many preparations over the week-end, Ian's Cub Scout banquet was canceled because a winter storm was coming in.
Wednesday, with a foot of snow on the ground, school was canceled so Jeanette stayed home and Ian spent part of the day at a friend's house, while I spent most of Valentine's day plowing and shoveling driveways and sidewalks. The decision to close schools on Thursday also, did not reach Jeanette as it was supposed to.
So, on Thursday, Jeanette got up and started for school, not hearing that school was closed when she checked the Wellsville radio station. I got an e-mail and heard it on the Hornell station, after she left the house. Later that day, Dad got his reminder call about a follow-up examination with Dr. Coch and, although I knew about the appointment, I hadn't gotten it onto my calendar. With Ian home, we had one of his friends over for the day so his father could go to work. Then there was a small fire at Sam Scholes' house, so I assisted with putting that out and getting the smoke out and so on.
All of the above meant that little time was left on Friday to get ready for a trip, and an ambulance call Friday morning cut into that. While I was driving the ambulance, Dad got a call from Lois and spoke with Ethel on the telephone, with the result that he decided our trip was not necessary, for him.
A little later, Dad and I met with Doctor Coch after waiting for more than forty-five minutes, and discussed loss of memory and depression and skin cancer. Bill re-assured Dad that his loss of memory was pretty normal and happens to everyone to some degree. He also told him that he's convinced Dad does not have any form of dementia, but I know Dad is frustrated with it.
Dad said his digestion was better (probably because he's taking 80 mg. enteric aspirin instead of 300 mg. regular aspirin, daily) but we all surmised that although he was feeling some better, perhaps the effect of cold and gray weather had resulted in little net improvement. So Bill had Dad move up to 20 mg. per day of anti-depressant, and he biopsied a mole on Dad's right arm that had snagged on something when Dad was dressing. We were glad Dad had mentioned it to me, as Bill said it looked like another squamous cell cancer. He'll remove it there at his office, if the biopsy comes back as positive for cancer.
When Jeanette was leaving school, she stumbled on the stairs and heard a pop in her ankle and knee, but declined to go to the Emergency Room that night, and we resigned ourselves to staying home for the week, under all these circumstances.
After church and lunch yesterday, we persuaded Jeanette to go to the Emergency Room, where they confirmed that her ankle is sprained but apparently not broken. She went to Camp Planning Committee meeting this morning, but is supposed to keep her leg elevated, iced and splinted for the remainder of the week, so I guess I'll see if they want to do my interview this week, after all.
Cathy and Sherm, do you want to try to come to Alfred next weekend, after all? Let me know, so we can prepare, please.
I just wanted you all to know what's up . . .
Friday, February 2, 2007
Travel and travail
Hey Family,
I've been home with Ian since Tuesday: he's had a fever and cough and congestion and headache, and I've had a lesser version of them. I think he'll probably head to school today, however.
I'm up early today because Ian woke me at 3:30 or so to tell me that he had discovered that Midnight (was Carol's cat until about a month ago) had thrown up. I had been dreaming something delicious, evidently, although I can't recall what. I had to pee, too, so I got up and took care of that and the cat puke. Then I asked Ian what he might do differently the next time the cat throws up. He said he'd clean it up himself and I said I thought that was a good idea. I had specifically gotten a substitute for my ambulance-driving night because I didn't feel up to being awakened, and have been having headaches all week.
We're planning, at this point, to drive Dad to Bob and Lois Edwards' beginning the 17th of this month, while Ian and Jeanette have winter break. We'll leave Dad there to spend some time and assuage his conscience and so on, and I'll take J. and I. to Columbia, SC so we can see her uncle, who has just had his third pacemaker installed. After a visit there, I'll leave J. and I., and head to the beach to see a few friends and maybe run down to Charleston to get some solitude.
Then I'll start north, gathering family members along the way, returning home by the morning of the 25th, so Ian can go bowling with the Cub Scouts and we can recover before they have to go back to school.
I wanted you all to know what we're planning, and to know that Hub Watson died early yesterday morning, so we'll probably be taking Dad to Rochester for a memorial service sometime soon.
I've been home with Ian since Tuesday: he's had a fever and cough and congestion and headache, and I've had a lesser version of them. I think he'll probably head to school today, however.
I'm up early today because Ian woke me at 3:30 or so to tell me that he had discovered that Midnight (was Carol's cat until about a month ago) had thrown up. I had been dreaming something delicious, evidently, although I can't recall what. I had to pee, too, so I got up and took care of that and the cat puke. Then I asked Ian what he might do differently the next time the cat throws up. He said he'd clean it up himself and I said I thought that was a good idea. I had specifically gotten a substitute for my ambulance-driving night because I didn't feel up to being awakened, and have been having headaches all week.
We're planning, at this point, to drive Dad to Bob and Lois Edwards' beginning the 17th of this month, while Ian and Jeanette have winter break. We'll leave Dad there to spend some time and assuage his conscience and so on, and I'll take J. and I. to Columbia, SC so we can see her uncle, who has just had his third pacemaker installed. After a visit there, I'll leave J. and I., and head to the beach to see a few friends and maybe run down to Charleston to get some solitude.
Then I'll start north, gathering family members along the way, returning home by the morning of the 25th, so Ian can go bowling with the Cub Scouts and we can recover before they have to go back to school.
I wanted you all to know what we're planning, and to know that Hub Watson died early yesterday morning, so we'll probably be taking Dad to Rochester for a memorial service sometime soon.
Aunt Nellie's Round Robin letter, and DSC's sense of inadequacy
April 8, 1967
Dear Ahvagene, Wilna, Mary, Virginia and Elizabeth,
You'd better ask someone to get the smelling salts when you get this
letter. Ha Ha. Well, well, well. This is a beautiful day. The sun is
pouring in the living room making our golden flowers that Burton and Carol
Crandall gave us for our 25th wedding anniversary dazzling. Mandy is
spending the afternoon experimenting with hairdos. I have shortened Wyn's
evening dress for Mandy to wear to the candlelight ball tonight - a dance at
the Hornell high school put on by the Horizon Club of the Campfire Girls.
Wyn is off somewhere in the star covered VW. Bill is working in the yard.
I have some great music on the Rochester "good music" station. I think it
is a Charles Ives composition. As Mary says, "The facts of being born and
growing and thinking are more wonderful than all the dogmas in the world."
Right now our church is in somewhat of a turmoil, but I think it is all to
the good if it doesn't kill David and Fran. I have come to admire and
respect them more all the time. I wish David had more confidence in
himself. I do think he has courage and wants so much to be of service! It'
s sad when someone wants so much to improve a situation - and to be of
service to others who do not want help or do not see that they might need to
change their point of view. It's human nature, of course, to resent
criticism or even a suspicion of criticism when one has been a pillar of the
church, particularly for years. It's a long story but I will tell part of
it. The young people (high school) had charge of the service last week. It
was completely their own. The music was guitar (electric) and folk songs,
readings from "The Prophet", a dance to the Lord's Prayer and talks which
questioned tradition, Bible interpretations, having grape juice instead of
wine at communion, the 10 commandments, and one boy said, "We do not want
you to answer these questions. We want to find out for ourselves." I
guarantee everyone was alert at that service. No one went to sleep, in fact
two people got up and walked out. Kenneth Kenyon and George Place told
David they were disgusted etc. One of the complications is the fact that a
Mr. and Mrs. Toland who came here two years ago and almost immediately
joined our church are very unpopular and they are sponsors of this group.
Mr. Toland is a lawyer. No one really knows why they came here. He has
many plans for this town - gets into everything, and people are suspicious
of his motives - not just the church people but many people whose opinions I
respect. His personality is definitely against him. He is constantly
pushing himself and reminding everyone of his worth. There have been
examples of his using people to his own advantage. I guess, now that I
think of it, they are all hearsay, and I can't be definite about this.
Mrs. Toland has done some interesting things with the young people and they
like her - and put up with him. Now their daughter and son-in-law, who own
a coffee shop here and made a big point of wanting a "clean place for the
students where there would be no liquor", have applied for a liquor license
so they can sell beer. David is inclined to take up for the Tolands,
sighting the many good things they have done for the community ( and they
have, such as being instrumental in getting another doctor here) and he will
not come out definitely against the beer. The young people do have some
church people seriously questioning their beliefs, and I think this is
great. The Snyder men for instance - Ken S. borrowed one of the children's
talks so he could think about how he would answer the questions in them, and
David has arranged for a discussion time next Sat afternoon as a result of
this.
I think the center of a small town is likely to be not the home or the
church but the community, and it's fascinating. The children feel this also.
We're fortunate that this town is made up of a variety of people, and I like
being with various groups: the international club, the church, our great dec
isions group, the party group, the artists, etc. Surprising as it may seem,
there is more variety here for us than in Bala Cynwyd. - at least that we
are really a part of.
It's interesting to me that the four boys who went off to private school
(George School - Quaker) at the 8th or 9th grade with the good possibility
of going on to an Ivy League College are all home again in Alfred. Tom
Randall spent one year at Syracuse, did all right but much to the surprise
of his parents, didn't want to go back and is in the design course here.
Ted Randall is doing well at Alfred Tech after floundering around here and
there. (I know their mother had dreams of Yale for both of them -that's
where their father went.) Mark Sibley started out in Weslian and is now
here in liberal arts. Rob Turner was in his second year at Swarthmore and
came home last week and announced he wasn't going back.
I find having an 18 year old at home or anywhere is difficult. This has
been a difficult year for Wyn. One should accept one's child as she is at
this point I expect and not try to change her, push her, look at her
anxiously. I feel guilty; she feels guilty; Bill feels guilty! Ugh! Here
is the adult that you brought up. She is no longer an extension of you; she
is an individual. Can parents ever accept their children that way - as
individuals with faults, strengths, weaknesses like every one else without
taking blame for the faults and feeling guilty. It's a dilemma because
guilt is a damaging thing. At a dinner party the other night a mother was
proudly telling about how her son got into Annapolis on his own initiative -
making contact with Senator Javitts etc. She had told us earlier that she
and her husband knew how to bring up children - one reason being she had
taught school for a number of years, and her methods courses had been
tremendously helpful. I thought she was stupid, and yet I bet that
confidence she has is instilled in that boy; he feels lucky he has such
confident parents, and he is ready to face the world. When you can stand
away and look at life, it's a riot.
Your letters are wonderful. Jim's poem struck me - he can stand away and
look at the army with all its inconsistencies. Bill said the motto of the
armed services is "Hurry up and wait." Hurry up to get ready to pull out
for instance, and then wait.
Mandy came home with a poor report card. Cheerleading, boys, telephone
calls, figuring our girlfriends' problems have taken precedence over all.
She has made rules for herself like no telephone calls after 6:00. It's
going to be hard. Her aptitudes in tests she took showed highest in art and
persuasives. And she has almost persuaded me she can stick to those rules.
She is interested in human relations - history, peoples' problems - and is
sensitive to feelings of others. She speaks well and does very well orally
in school but she can't write! Her spelling is atrocious!
Bill is too busy. He is president of the national arts teachers assn. -
something like that - teachers of pottery in universities. Anyway their
meeting is next week in Michigan. And he is looking forward to it because
all the work will be done then, and he likes the other men and knows most of
them well.
I have much more to say - can you believe it?
Must go.
Love,
Nellie
Dear Ahvagene, Wilna, Mary, Virginia and Elizabeth,
You'd better ask someone to get the smelling salts when you get this
letter. Ha Ha. Well, well, well. This is a beautiful day. The sun is
pouring in the living room making our golden flowers that Burton and Carol
Crandall gave us for our 25th wedding anniversary dazzling. Mandy is
spending the afternoon experimenting with hairdos. I have shortened Wyn's
evening dress for Mandy to wear to the candlelight ball tonight - a dance at
the Hornell high school put on by the Horizon Club of the Campfire Girls.
Wyn is off somewhere in the star covered VW. Bill is working in the yard.
I have some great music on the Rochester "good music" station. I think it
is a Charles Ives composition. As Mary says, "The facts of being born and
growing and thinking are more wonderful than all the dogmas in the world."
Right now our church is in somewhat of a turmoil, but I think it is all to
the good if it doesn't kill David and Fran. I have come to admire and
respect them more all the time. I wish David had more confidence in
himself. I do think he has courage and wants so much to be of service! It'
s sad when someone wants so much to improve a situation - and to be of
service to others who do not want help or do not see that they might need to
change their point of view. It's human nature, of course, to resent
criticism or even a suspicion of criticism when one has been a pillar of the
church, particularly for years. It's a long story but I will tell part of
it. The young people (high school) had charge of the service last week. It
was completely their own. The music was guitar (electric) and folk songs,
readings from "The Prophet", a dance to the Lord's Prayer and talks which
questioned tradition, Bible interpretations, having grape juice instead of
wine at communion, the 10 commandments, and one boy said, "We do not want
you to answer these questions. We want to find out for ourselves." I
guarantee everyone was alert at that service. No one went to sleep, in fact
two people got up and walked out. Kenneth Kenyon and George Place told
David they were disgusted etc. One of the complications is the fact that a
Mr. and Mrs. Toland who came here two years ago and almost immediately
joined our church are very unpopular and they are sponsors of this group.
Mr. Toland is a lawyer. No one really knows why they came here. He has
many plans for this town - gets into everything, and people are suspicious
of his motives - not just the church people but many people whose opinions I
respect. His personality is definitely against him. He is constantly
pushing himself and reminding everyone of his worth. There have been
examples of his using people to his own advantage. I guess, now that I
think of it, they are all hearsay, and I can't be definite about this.
Mrs. Toland has done some interesting things with the young people and they
like her - and put up with him. Now their daughter and son-in-law, who own
a coffee shop here and made a big point of wanting a "clean place for the
students where there would be no liquor", have applied for a liquor license
so they can sell beer. David is inclined to take up for the Tolands,
sighting the many good things they have done for the community ( and they
have, such as being instrumental in getting another doctor here) and he will
not come out definitely against the beer. The young people do have some
church people seriously questioning their beliefs, and I think this is
great. The Snyder men for instance - Ken S. borrowed one of the children's
talks so he could think about how he would answer the questions in them, and
David has arranged for a discussion time next Sat afternoon as a result of
this.
I think the center of a small town is likely to be not the home or the
church but the community, and it's fascinating. The children feel this also.
We're fortunate that this town is made up of a variety of people, and I like
being with various groups: the international club, the church, our great dec
isions group, the party group, the artists, etc. Surprising as it may seem,
there is more variety here for us than in Bala Cynwyd. - at least that we
are really a part of.
It's interesting to me that the four boys who went off to private school
(George School - Quaker) at the 8th or 9th grade with the good possibility
of going on to an Ivy League College are all home again in Alfred. Tom
Randall spent one year at Syracuse, did all right but much to the surprise
of his parents, didn't want to go back and is in the design course here.
Ted Randall is doing well at Alfred Tech after floundering around here and
there. (I know their mother had dreams of Yale for both of them -that's
where their father went.) Mark Sibley started out in Weslian and is now
here in liberal arts. Rob Turner was in his second year at Swarthmore and
came home last week and announced he wasn't going back.
I find having an 18 year old at home or anywhere is difficult. This has
been a difficult year for Wyn. One should accept one's child as she is at
this point I expect and not try to change her, push her, look at her
anxiously. I feel guilty; she feels guilty; Bill feels guilty! Ugh! Here
is the adult that you brought up. She is no longer an extension of you; she
is an individual. Can parents ever accept their children that way - as
individuals with faults, strengths, weaknesses like every one else without
taking blame for the faults and feeling guilty. It's a dilemma because
guilt is a damaging thing. At a dinner party the other night a mother was
proudly telling about how her son got into Annapolis on his own initiative -
making contact with Senator Javitts etc. She had told us earlier that she
and her husband knew how to bring up children - one reason being she had
taught school for a number of years, and her methods courses had been
tremendously helpful. I thought she was stupid, and yet I bet that
confidence she has is instilled in that boy; he feels lucky he has such
confident parents, and he is ready to face the world. When you can stand
away and look at life, it's a riot.
Your letters are wonderful. Jim's poem struck me - he can stand away and
look at the army with all its inconsistencies. Bill said the motto of the
armed services is "Hurry up and wait." Hurry up to get ready to pull out
for instance, and then wait.
Mandy came home with a poor report card. Cheerleading, boys, telephone
calls, figuring our girlfriends' problems have taken precedence over all.
She has made rules for herself like no telephone calls after 6:00. It's
going to be hard. Her aptitudes in tests she took showed highest in art and
persuasives. And she has almost persuaded me she can stick to those rules.
She is interested in human relations - history, peoples' problems - and is
sensitive to feelings of others. She speaks well and does very well orally
in school but she can't write! Her spelling is atrocious!
Bill is too busy. He is president of the national arts teachers assn. -
something like that - teachers of pottery in universities. Anyway their
meeting is next week in Michigan. And he is looking forward to it because
all the work will be done then, and he likes the other men and knows most of
them well.
I have much more to say - can you believe it?
Must go.
Love,
Nellie
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