Hi siblings and so on!
I recently posted something on my Facebook profile, that had come to me: "The saddest thing about living is to lose the ones you love, and to awaken to the attrition of kindred souls."
This is something that has been wearing at me for years, little by little. And now with our cousin, David Winton Clarke, dying; then a 1976 classmate (Jim Comes) dying just before his fiftieth birthday, this past week. Then, in the background (for me, at least) Dan Fogelberg (who wrote some wonderful music that accompanied me in my teens and twenties) and Arthur C. Clarke, whose short stories and books were my favorites in earlier years, died recently.
Then, just in the last two days, we've learned that Warda Vincent Mauro (a little older than Dad, former Alfredian, church member from a distance, etc.) died. On top of all that, we've learned that our cousin, Carol Burdick (CB) has pancreatic cancer, and likely won't live long, perhaps only a few months.
All that has affected me, but at least I am happy to say "Happy Birthday" to Cathy, and to tell you that Jeanette's car has a nearly-new engine in it and will get its body repaired this week. Now if we can get it paid off and get some good years of driving out of it . . .
Anyway, CB looked frail when I went to her book-signing a week or so ago, and someone told me only a few days later that they heard she had terminal cancer. Today, Donna Rogers told us that CB had told her so, herself. She evidently was quite matter-of-fact about it, as I would expect. So, if you want to say anything to her or ask her anything, I suggest you do so, pronto. If you need her address, I'm sure that if you address correspondence to CB, Pondhouse Inhabitant, Camp Harley Sutton Road, Alfred Station, NY 14803, it will get there.
I still have, saved on the answering machine, the message she left when she learned that Dad had died. Unless my memory has failed me, she said: "Doug, I just learned about your father, and I just wanted to tell you I'm so sorry. [voice cracks] He was a wonderful man. And he would NOT approve of my crying now . . ." I have never felt terribly close to CB but we have always been cordial and I really enjoyed taking her "A Place In The Universe" class (on environmental literature). She wrote in my copy of her book "Haps and Mishaps" something to the effect that I've been a loyal cousin and she likes that, and likes me.
One thing I was quite fond of, back when I was in my late teens and early twenties, was to watch CB and Dad play tennis on the courts near South Hall. They would meet early in the morning and just go at it, not angry and competitive and not just whacking the ball around, either. They both played well, moved well, and had genuine fun doing it for the exercise and the time to talk, I think. They seemed to be very evenly matched, but I couldn't keep up with Dad: he seemed to stay mostly in the middle of the court and return everything I sent his direction.
Back to the present, Sherm and I have been talking about when he might "retire" to Alfred, what part of "33" he would inhabit, and what we might do with the rest of the house (like sell used books, and/or rent rooms). Maybe this year, maybe three or four years from now?
I'm working on my outline and PowerPoint presentation for the April 24th Bergren Forum, which will be part of the Alfred Bicentennial series of events. Jeanette worked extra hours the last few weeks, earning "extra" money on a project, and starts tutoring a pregnant student for two hours after school, every day, this week. Ian starts his mentorship with Betsy Brooks soon, learning how to catch (in mist nets) songbirds, measure and weigh and band them. I'll be taking him up to the Lake Ontario shore to a banding station so he can help Betsy set up nets, and he should get a chance to at least observe raptor banding in April, during the peak migration period. I'm thrilled that Betsy was eager to do this with him, and LOVE that I get to learn stuff and go along, too!! He's been saying for years that he wants to work with animals and invent stuff, so I thought this would be a great start, even if he ends up working with alligators later on, because he'll develop real skills, developed at an early age, and build on the obvious ability he has with animals.
We're waiting for winter to let go of us, so we can start working on the house more readily, not have to be so concerned with weather and road conditions, and so Jeanette's joints won't hurt so much. The CPAP seems to be helping her get better rest, but her mask is not optimized yet, so she's not getting the full benefit. Antibiotics pretty well took care of my infected gum, but I'm flossing and brushing and water-picking and rinsing and using a syringe with salt water, to keep from losing a tooth to bone degeneration. Jeanette has lost some more weight and Dr. Coch is working with her to get her A1Cs down to better levels (related to diabetes), and she may need knee surgery before long. I'm trying to exercise more regularly, so I've been skiing a few times and Ian and Nicky and I took a two-hour walk today, and may have found bear tracks!
Anyway, we hope you're all well, and that you'll be in touch soon!!!!!
Doug
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Needed a boost . . .
Hi Family,
I have regretted not getting anything posted here for quite a while, but had, quite frankly, been on a low personal ebb (depressed?) and was preoccupied with multiple car and other difficulties which didn't let up for a frustratingly long time. I know, that was a long sentence, and I know I'm not the only one dealing with stuff. That's just how it was feeling.
But then, a few days ago, several events seemed to help lift my spirits, in spite of the fact that Jeanette's car (we've decided to drive it minimally until repairs are set up or another vehicle available for her) didn't want to start, and then the hood didn't want to close after I jump-started it, Monday morning.
First of all, what we were able to learn of Mike and Sue's adventure in Alaska and their finishing well in the Yukon Quest, had us swelling with pride. Before that, my colonoscopy had not been difficult and revealed that I didn't have any polyps or diverticuli and should not need another intrusion for ten years, and that was all good news. Being one of the presenters in an Alfred Bicentennial event (we told the history of Alfred's two fire companies) was fun and fulfilling. Did you know that I joined the A.E. Crandall Hook and Ladder Company almost exactly 100 years after they saved 33 South Main from greater damage of possible destruction? The tool shed, perhaps as the result of a Halloween prank, had caught fire and scorched the back of the house. According to Jean Lang's monograph, the fire was November 2, 1894, and I joined the company in the summer of 1993. The company's first chief was W.H. Crandall, A.E.'s nephew (and husband of Chester S. Clarke's nephew, I think).
Speaking of Chester, I went to Belmont last week to get a tour of Allegany County's historical records, from the county historian, Craig Braack. I was pretty sure I knew about most of them, but I wanted to see some historical-type people I hadn't seen for a while, and thought I might learn something. I did. Years ago, I had learned that each county should keep a record of a judge's decision to commit any resident to Willard Asylum, where Chester was rumored to have gone. But I had struck out in trying to find any record at that time, having asked the historian and others, years ago, where I would find a record of Chester being committed. As part of the tour, we went to the Surrogate's Court records (where I had filed the initial statement regarding Dad's estate, and now need to file a final report), and asked if their records would contain information on Chester's commitment. I was told that it should be in the Superior Court records, so I went to those files after our group was done touring.
I knew that Chester was reported to have been moved out of the family home in 1905, that he showed up in Binghamton Business directories beginning about 1913 (as a shoe-repairman), that cousin Neil Clarke had visited him there at some point and been told "don't bring him back here", and that he had died in 1925. Census records show that he was living alone in Alfred in 1910. Carol fairly recently had found that shoe-making was one of the therapeutic things that Willard "inmates" were given to do.
As for why Chester was sent to Willard, what I remember Dad saying was that Uncle Clarence and Grandpa (Ford) put him out of the house because he was verbally abusive. Anger management problems? Low blood sugar resulting in extreme crabbiness? Depression? Bipolar, leading to psychosis? Maybe Ophelia was overbearing and he reacted poorly to her?
Anyway, after the tour ended, I looked in the book of Superior Court records where I thought 1905 would be, and I think the first or second book I opened referenced "in the matter of Clarke, Chester S." in the index. I found that one and a second one, and I will transcribe a portion of each below:
"At a special term of the Superior Court held at the Court House in the city of Rochester New York . . . on the 20th day of May, 1905, present Hon. Nathaniel Foote, Justice . . . in the matter of the appointment of a Committee of the person and estate of Chester S. Clark[sic] an alleged incompetent person and an inmate of the Willard State Hospital, on reading and filing the petition of Robert M. Elliott, Superintendent of the Willard State Hospital . . . duly verified on the 6th day of April, 1905, asking for the appointment of a committee . . . the said Chester S. Clark was duly committed to said Hospital as an incompetent on the 5th day of July, 1904 admitted thereto on the 8th day of July, 1904, and is now an inmate . . . at the time of commitment was a resident of the town of Alfred, State of New York and that he has the following property namely an undivided one-half interest in 230 acres of land in the town of Alfred which interest will not exceed $3000.00 in value . . . it appears that said Chester S. Clark is married and that no committee of his person or estate has been appointed . . . Ordered that D.S. Burdick of the town of Alfred . . . is hereby appointed committee of the person and estate of the said Chester S. Clark . . ."
The second one says "At a special term of the Supreme Court held at the Court House in the Village of Belmont, NY. . . on the third day of September 1907, Present, Hon. Truman C. White, justice presiding . . . in the matter of Chester S. Clarke, an incompetent person, upon the coming in of the Referee's report in this proceeding, dated the 18th day of July 1907, by which it appears that the said Chester S. Clarke has so far recovered his mental capacity as to be capable of managing his person and affairs and that there is not any longer a necessity for a committee of his person and property and after hearing Crayton L. Earley attorney for the petitioner and Eldyn Reynolds of counsel for the committee D. S. Burdick . . . ordered that the said committee . . . be discharged."
Ok, so what does all this mean? That, perhaps because Ophelia (Chester's wife) did not do anything about it, the court appointed someone to look after Chester's property until he was again deemed competent, or was judged to be permanently incompetent. D.S. Burdick may be Dighton Burdick, whose farm (I believe) is the one just up the hill from the Alfred State College farm pond. I remember "Scotty" Bill MacCrea saying something about a connection with that farm, so I'll call him and ask what he remembers, and check on the property records to see if I'm right. I haven't waded through all the "legal-ese" but it may mean that D.S. Burdick was to make any of Chester's assets that were available, payable to the state, in exchange for his being an inmate at Willard.
I am working on a letter to the state, asking to be given copies of Chester's Willard records. I had been told that I couldn't even apply until I knew when he was admitted, but I first started looking about 15 years ago. I sure wish I could ask Gram about that. Ruth Norwood didn't recall anything when I asked her, years ago, and now she can barely speak. I think I'll ask all the old people I know around here, if they know anything, at all about it. Anyway, I am hopeful that now we may be able to get some understanding of what happened. Maybe I'll write a book about it, too (in my spare time).
I wanted to get this posted and let you know that some things are looking up, some things are being celebrated, and that we're doing ok. We spent most of the past weekend at Carol and Barb's, and it was nice to take walks with Nicky and Buddy and Ian and Carol, to eat a celebratory meal honoring Mike and Sue's success, and to relax a bit. Thanks, ladies!
I hope Mike and Sue and the dogs can stop over for a few days on their way home!
I have regretted not getting anything posted here for quite a while, but had, quite frankly, been on a low personal ebb (depressed?) and was preoccupied with multiple car and other difficulties which didn't let up for a frustratingly long time. I know, that was a long sentence, and I know I'm not the only one dealing with stuff. That's just how it was feeling.
But then, a few days ago, several events seemed to help lift my spirits, in spite of the fact that Jeanette's car (we've decided to drive it minimally until repairs are set up or another vehicle available for her) didn't want to start, and then the hood didn't want to close after I jump-started it, Monday morning.
First of all, what we were able to learn of Mike and Sue's adventure in Alaska and their finishing well in the Yukon Quest, had us swelling with pride. Before that, my colonoscopy had not been difficult and revealed that I didn't have any polyps or diverticuli and should not need another intrusion for ten years, and that was all good news. Being one of the presenters in an Alfred Bicentennial event (we told the history of Alfred's two fire companies) was fun and fulfilling. Did you know that I joined the A.E. Crandall Hook and Ladder Company almost exactly 100 years after they saved 33 South Main from greater damage of possible destruction? The tool shed, perhaps as the result of a Halloween prank, had caught fire and scorched the back of the house. According to Jean Lang's monograph, the fire was November 2, 1894, and I joined the company in the summer of 1993. The company's first chief was W.H. Crandall, A.E.'s nephew (and husband of Chester S. Clarke's nephew, I think).
Speaking of Chester, I went to Belmont last week to get a tour of Allegany County's historical records, from the county historian, Craig Braack. I was pretty sure I knew about most of them, but I wanted to see some historical-type people I hadn't seen for a while, and thought I might learn something. I did. Years ago, I had learned that each county should keep a record of a judge's decision to commit any resident to Willard Asylum, where Chester was rumored to have gone. But I had struck out in trying to find any record at that time, having asked the historian and others, years ago, where I would find a record of Chester being committed. As part of the tour, we went to the Surrogate's Court records (where I had filed the initial statement regarding Dad's estate, and now need to file a final report), and asked if their records would contain information on Chester's commitment. I was told that it should be in the Superior Court records, so I went to those files after our group was done touring.
I knew that Chester was reported to have been moved out of the family home in 1905, that he showed up in Binghamton Business directories beginning about 1913 (as a shoe-repairman), that cousin Neil Clarke had visited him there at some point and been told "don't bring him back here", and that he had died in 1925. Census records show that he was living alone in Alfred in 1910. Carol fairly recently had found that shoe-making was one of the therapeutic things that Willard "inmates" were given to do.
As for why Chester was sent to Willard, what I remember Dad saying was that Uncle Clarence and Grandpa (Ford) put him out of the house because he was verbally abusive. Anger management problems? Low blood sugar resulting in extreme crabbiness? Depression? Bipolar, leading to psychosis? Maybe Ophelia was overbearing and he reacted poorly to her?
Anyway, after the tour ended, I looked in the book of Superior Court records where I thought 1905 would be, and I think the first or second book I opened referenced "in the matter of Clarke, Chester S." in the index. I found that one and a second one, and I will transcribe a portion of each below:
"At a special term of the Superior Court held at the Court House in the city of Rochester New York . . . on the 20th day of May, 1905, present Hon. Nathaniel Foote, Justice . . . in the matter of the appointment of a Committee of the person and estate of Chester S. Clark[sic] an alleged incompetent person and an inmate of the Willard State Hospital, on reading and filing the petition of Robert M. Elliott, Superintendent of the Willard State Hospital . . . duly verified on the 6th day of April, 1905, asking for the appointment of a committee . . . the said Chester S. Clark was duly committed to said Hospital as an incompetent on the 5th day of July, 1904 admitted thereto on the 8th day of July, 1904, and is now an inmate . . . at the time of commitment was a resident of the town of Alfred, State of New York and that he has the following property namely an undivided one-half interest in 230 acres of land in the town of Alfred which interest will not exceed $3000.00 in value . . . it appears that said Chester S. Clark is married and that no committee of his person or estate has been appointed . . . Ordered that D.S. Burdick of the town of Alfred . . . is hereby appointed committee of the person and estate of the said Chester S. Clark . . ."
The second one says "At a special term of the Supreme Court held at the Court House in the Village of Belmont, NY. . . on the third day of September 1907, Present, Hon. Truman C. White, justice presiding . . . in the matter of Chester S. Clarke, an incompetent person, upon the coming in of the Referee's report in this proceeding, dated the 18th day of July 1907, by which it appears that the said Chester S. Clarke has so far recovered his mental capacity as to be capable of managing his person and affairs and that there is not any longer a necessity for a committee of his person and property and after hearing Crayton L. Earley attorney for the petitioner and Eldyn Reynolds of counsel for the committee D. S. Burdick . . . ordered that the said committee . . . be discharged."
Ok, so what does all this mean? That, perhaps because Ophelia (Chester's wife) did not do anything about it, the court appointed someone to look after Chester's property until he was again deemed competent, or was judged to be permanently incompetent. D.S. Burdick may be Dighton Burdick, whose farm (I believe) is the one just up the hill from the Alfred State College farm pond. I remember "Scotty" Bill MacCrea saying something about a connection with that farm, so I'll call him and ask what he remembers, and check on the property records to see if I'm right. I haven't waded through all the "legal-ese" but it may mean that D.S. Burdick was to make any of Chester's assets that were available, payable to the state, in exchange for his being an inmate at Willard.
I am working on a letter to the state, asking to be given copies of Chester's Willard records. I had been told that I couldn't even apply until I knew when he was admitted, but I first started looking about 15 years ago. I sure wish I could ask Gram about that. Ruth Norwood didn't recall anything when I asked her, years ago, and now she can barely speak. I think I'll ask all the old people I know around here, if they know anything, at all about it. Anyway, I am hopeful that now we may be able to get some understanding of what happened. Maybe I'll write a book about it, too (in my spare time).
I wanted to get this posted and let you know that some things are looking up, some things are being celebrated, and that we're doing ok. We spent most of the past weekend at Carol and Barb's, and it was nice to take walks with Nicky and Buddy and Ian and Carol, to eat a celebratory meal honoring Mike and Sue's success, and to relax a bit. Thanks, ladies!
I hope Mike and Sue and the dogs can stop over for a few days on their way home!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year's day
Hello family,
Goodbye to 2007. I hate that the year is already gone, because I hate that that much more time has elapsed, but I wish a difficult year "good riddance".
It was good to see all who were able to come to Alfred between Christmas and New Year's eve. We were glad to have a longer stretch with Sherm and Carol and Barb, but even that was too short to get to all the things I would have liked to do. We sure wish Cathy and Bert could have stayed longer, and we missed seeing nieces and nephews and Bruce, but wish you all well. I hope we can all get together this summer and have some leisure time, whether it's at our place or Keuka Lake or a southern beach or wherever. I think it would be nice to get some of the cousins together and make connections.
At 33 S. Main, I had worked to consolidate stuff from two downstairs closets into a third (the one off the downstairs bathroom) so those two closets were mostly emptied. Sending 6 or 8 boxes of fabric remnants home with Bert leaves room to put the boxes of photograph albums from all over the house in there so they can be worked on without taking up living space. It was great to spend time looking through the albums and identifying people and talking about how to proceed with them. I will place an order to Gaylord or someplace similar, for archival photograph album pages, soon. Then I can begin to transfer photographs to archival albums, and start captioning and organizing them. I'll also be able to scan the choicest images and post them on the web and/or print them on photographic paper for whoever wants them.
I had also gotten a bunch of the computer peripherals (which I'd scavenged from various places but most were proving unusable for us) out onto the porch, ready to hand off to a guy who re-builds computers for people who can't afford new ones. More can come out of the front room upstairs when the first load gets delivered or picked up.
I got the washing machine set up yesterday, so we'll get linens and towels washed and put up before we head home. Jeanette is working on that and on making turkey soup from the carcass. Ian and Rein are playing and I've been getting a few other things done. I'll have to write out checks for the bills for 33 and get stuff filed, and then call Guthrie Hospital about how to settle Dad's bill. Jeanette will be paying our bills, and she heads back to the routine tomorrow, and Ian on Thursday. I'll haul the old washer and some of the other junk out back, to the landfill later this week.
As soon as I can, I will clear our stuff from the middle room, but I also have to get Dad's files consolidated and figure out where to put them. If I get a de-humidifier then perhaps I can set up file cabinets in the basement. At least the Shedrick stuff is gone, but I know I can clear a bunch of other stuff out. Then there's the garage full of stuff for a yard sale, as soon as the weather breaks in the spring. And maybe we can sell the RV then. Anyway, I plan to convert the center room to a pleasant living and working space. I hope to organize the books and figure out which ones might be given away, although perhaps some can be sold. Some will go to family members, and I'm thinking the theological books might be donated to the denomination as a collection, as they would include A.J.C. Bond's and Dad's and perhaps others'.
My plan, and I think we are in concert about this, is to get Sherm's books and things moved downstairs and have the lower apartment available for family members or gatherings. This will leave the upstairs partially furnished, but rentable, so that will help pay expenses.
Carol, thank you for pledging to contribute to the house fund. And have fun transcribing and compiling all the old recipes (Mom's, Gram's, Aunt Dora's, and maybe Mary K.M. Babcock's?). I hope you can make them available on-line, somehow. As I said to you, it has crossed my mind that we could put together quite a cookbook if the three or four generations of recipes you took home, were put together in some interesting fashion.
Have you all seen the Alfred House History website? Here's a link: http://people.alfred.edu/~fmuller/VillageProject/AllParcels.html From here, click on the dark purple rectangle that represents 33 S. Main, and on the next page, click on "History File", to see what I submitted for the project, which is tied loosely in with Alfred's bicentennial celebrations. Speaking of that, I (with Pat Bancroft) will be giving a Bergren Forum talk on April 24th (if that's a Thursday) on the history of Alfred Seventh Day Baptists. I will share the text of that with you.
I called Alfred State yesterday and learned that someone with a Master's degree was chosen for the adjunct position for the spring semester. I could wish I had a Master's, but haven't finished paying for my Bachelor's. Adjunct pay would seem an insult if I had a Master's, but more opportunities might be available if I did. I have inquired about University of Arizona Online and Goddard College, and just found that Empire State College DOES have Master's programs. Anyway, I'm going to take Sherm's advice and prepare some presentations and send out inquiries, offering to give them at various places. I need to finally get serious about selling books on-line, as well, but I despair of finding a "real job" after the past two years. I do keep looking and applying, though.
In any case, Happy New Year.
Doug
Goodbye to 2007. I hate that the year is already gone, because I hate that that much more time has elapsed, but I wish a difficult year "good riddance".
It was good to see all who were able to come to Alfred between Christmas and New Year's eve. We were glad to have a longer stretch with Sherm and Carol and Barb, but even that was too short to get to all the things I would have liked to do. We sure wish Cathy and Bert could have stayed longer, and we missed seeing nieces and nephews and Bruce, but wish you all well. I hope we can all get together this summer and have some leisure time, whether it's at our place or Keuka Lake or a southern beach or wherever. I think it would be nice to get some of the cousins together and make connections.
At 33 S. Main, I had worked to consolidate stuff from two downstairs closets into a third (the one off the downstairs bathroom) so those two closets were mostly emptied. Sending 6 or 8 boxes of fabric remnants home with Bert leaves room to put the boxes of photograph albums from all over the house in there so they can be worked on without taking up living space. It was great to spend time looking through the albums and identifying people and talking about how to proceed with them. I will place an order to Gaylord or someplace similar, for archival photograph album pages, soon. Then I can begin to transfer photographs to archival albums, and start captioning and organizing them. I'll also be able to scan the choicest images and post them on the web and/or print them on photographic paper for whoever wants them.
I had also gotten a bunch of the computer peripherals (which I'd scavenged from various places but most were proving unusable for us) out onto the porch, ready to hand off to a guy who re-builds computers for people who can't afford new ones. More can come out of the front room upstairs when the first load gets delivered or picked up.
I got the washing machine set up yesterday, so we'll get linens and towels washed and put up before we head home. Jeanette is working on that and on making turkey soup from the carcass. Ian and Rein are playing and I've been getting a few other things done. I'll have to write out checks for the bills for 33 and get stuff filed, and then call Guthrie Hospital about how to settle Dad's bill. Jeanette will be paying our bills, and she heads back to the routine tomorrow, and Ian on Thursday. I'll haul the old washer and some of the other junk out back, to the landfill later this week.
As soon as I can, I will clear our stuff from the middle room, but I also have to get Dad's files consolidated and figure out where to put them. If I get a de-humidifier then perhaps I can set up file cabinets in the basement. At least the Shedrick stuff is gone, but I know I can clear a bunch of other stuff out. Then there's the garage full of stuff for a yard sale, as soon as the weather breaks in the spring. And maybe we can sell the RV then. Anyway, I plan to convert the center room to a pleasant living and working space. I hope to organize the books and figure out which ones might be given away, although perhaps some can be sold. Some will go to family members, and I'm thinking the theological books might be donated to the denomination as a collection, as they would include A.J.C. Bond's and Dad's and perhaps others'.
My plan, and I think we are in concert about this, is to get Sherm's books and things moved downstairs and have the lower apartment available for family members or gatherings. This will leave the upstairs partially furnished, but rentable, so that will help pay expenses.
Carol, thank you for pledging to contribute to the house fund. And have fun transcribing and compiling all the old recipes (Mom's, Gram's, Aunt Dora's, and maybe Mary K.M. Babcock's?). I hope you can make them available on-line, somehow. As I said to you, it has crossed my mind that we could put together quite a cookbook if the three or four generations of recipes you took home, were put together in some interesting fashion.
Have you all seen the Alfred House History website? Here's a link: http://people.alfred.edu/~fmuller/VillageProject/AllParcels.html From here, click on the dark purple rectangle that represents 33 S. Main, and on the next page, click on "History File", to see what I submitted for the project, which is tied loosely in with Alfred's bicentennial celebrations. Speaking of that, I (with Pat Bancroft) will be giving a Bergren Forum talk on April 24th (if that's a Thursday) on the history of Alfred Seventh Day Baptists. I will share the text of that with you.
I called Alfred State yesterday and learned that someone with a Master's degree was chosen for the adjunct position for the spring semester. I could wish I had a Master's, but haven't finished paying for my Bachelor's. Adjunct pay would seem an insult if I had a Master's, but more opportunities might be available if I did. I have inquired about University of Arizona Online and Goddard College, and just found that Empire State College DOES have Master's programs. Anyway, I'm going to take Sherm's advice and prepare some presentations and send out inquiries, offering to give them at various places. I need to finally get serious about selling books on-line, as well, but I despair of finding a "real job" after the past two years. I do keep looking and applying, though.
In any case, Happy New Year.
Doug
Monday, November 26, 2007
Did we ever tell you this one?
I recently renewed contact with Linda Peacock, who was in the art school when Ian was still small. As I was reading her message, I was reminded of a little event that epitomizes Dad's sense of humor, and I didn't know if you guys had heard it:
When I was working full-time at Saxon Glass, during Mom's last couple years with us, Linda used to watch Ian for us. She would sometimes stay with him at 33 S. Main and would often take him to The Collegiate Restaurant and other places, and I think she helped look after Mom, too. Anyway, we were at 33, and Linda was either coming or going, and she told us how the rumor around town was that Ian was her baby and our family was looking after him for her. Dad overheard this from the other room, and said " . . . and we're happy to do it for you, Linda!"
It still makes me laugh.
When I was working full-time at Saxon Glass, during Mom's last couple years with us, Linda used to watch Ian for us. She would sometimes stay with him at 33 S. Main and would often take him to The Collegiate Restaurant and other places, and I think she helped look after Mom, too. Anyway, we were at 33, and Linda was either coming or going, and she told us how the rumor around town was that Ian was her baby and our family was looking after him for her. Dad overheard this from the other room, and said " . . . and we're happy to do it for you, Linda!"
It still makes me laugh.
For Our Mother
I always loved my mother at the deepest levels, although I know I did not always feel that way at the surface of things. I may have even told someone (I’m not sure the words ever left my lips but I fear they may have) that I hated her, when I was a teenager. I know I responded very negatively to some of the things she did, but I know now that she had limited control over some of them, and that some of them were side-effects of medicines she needed to take. But this is not one of those stories from someone who’s trying to make peace with a deceased loved one, after the fact. I spent hours with Mom, even before cancer began to steal her energies, wrestling with things that had come between us. On several occasions, we ended up crying and hugging, understanding each other much better, and forgiving each other for hurts and misunderstandings.
I am the last of five children and I’m afraid our father has never fully grasped the depth of reconciliation that Mom and I found in the last ten years or so of her life. He seemed to think that I hurt Mom’s feelings, but I believe we truly were able to work our way through most of the things we had done in the past that caused each other pain, and I know I only think fondly of her now.
Over the years, a few acquaintances, and even a few members of our extended family, treated our mother with a lack of respect, and even with scorn. I always suspected this was in response to her emotional idiosyncrasies. She was very emotional and obsessive/compulsive and all, but little did other people know – at least until recently – that Mother’s foibles have specific, medical labels. They unfortunately also bear stigma, even if less so than in the past. We, her children, have always felt set apart, apparently because of our close association with Mom, and perhaps because we resemble her. It is not that people haven’t been generally cordial, but many have let us know they regarded us differently. I think in some cases they couldn’t even have acknowledged that they felt that way, to say nothing of knowing that they were sending such signals. Perceptions are such elusive things……..
Anyway, it was a lovely surprise, last Friday, when a family friend joined me in walking up the street, and made a point of saying that they missed my mother, even though she’d died seven years before. In the course of conversation, I remarked that some folks thought Mom was a “strange bird” and this friend reminded me that my mother’s love was never in doubt, and that it always flowed freely from her. This friend said “we go back a long way, don’t we?” It was my pleasure to concur.
Even in this time of Muslim-bashing and Christian fundamentalism gone amok – it would be no surprise to Mom that this Muslim (ZR) friend would have recognized her love for people, for all living things, and for beautiful things like sunsets…….she was that sort of woman.
G. Douglas Clarke March 20, 2005
I am the last of five children and I’m afraid our father has never fully grasped the depth of reconciliation that Mom and I found in the last ten years or so of her life. He seemed to think that I hurt Mom’s feelings, but I believe we truly were able to work our way through most of the things we had done in the past that caused each other pain, and I know I only think fondly of her now.
Over the years, a few acquaintances, and even a few members of our extended family, treated our mother with a lack of respect, and even with scorn. I always suspected this was in response to her emotional idiosyncrasies. She was very emotional and obsessive/compulsive and all, but little did other people know – at least until recently – that Mother’s foibles have specific, medical labels. They unfortunately also bear stigma, even if less so than in the past. We, her children, have always felt set apart, apparently because of our close association with Mom, and perhaps because we resemble her. It is not that people haven’t been generally cordial, but many have let us know they regarded us differently. I think in some cases they couldn’t even have acknowledged that they felt that way, to say nothing of knowing that they were sending such signals. Perceptions are such elusive things……..
Anyway, it was a lovely surprise, last Friday, when a family friend joined me in walking up the street, and made a point of saying that they missed my mother, even though she’d died seven years before. In the course of conversation, I remarked that some folks thought Mom was a “strange bird” and this friend reminded me that my mother’s love was never in doubt, and that it always flowed freely from her. This friend said “we go back a long way, don’t we?” It was my pleasure to concur.
Even in this time of Muslim-bashing and Christian fundamentalism gone amok – it would be no surprise to Mom that this Muslim (ZR) friend would have recognized her love for people, for all living things, and for beautiful things like sunsets…….she was that sort of woman.
G. Douglas Clarke March 20, 2005
Sunday, November 11, 2007
How does doing something active give a person energy?
What a difference some dancing with one's spouse and friends, getting some work done, and some sunshine can make! But somehow I know that even those things aren't all that's behind my feeling better about things. It's not magic, but it's not entirely in my control, I'm certain. On a day-to-day basis, I can often will myself to not dwell as much on my difficulties, get busy and do what I know needs to be done, and move along. But a couple of weeks ago, none of that worked. Then I was about as enervated as I have ever been, but still was not confined to my bed. Today, I feel rejuvenated and as eager to get things done, as I ever have. Inexplicable, since my situation has not changed a lot. But Jeanette and Ian and I took Ly and Walter and Rein to Geneseo for a dance last night, and I woke up this morning feeling as energetic as I have in months. Such things are fickle, though. I wish I knew (and I'm certain I'm not the first to wish so) from whence such things arise. It could be gone by this afternoon.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Rainy days
Dear brothers and sisters, biological and adopted,
I wrote a poem for Election Day:
"Rain patters down
Steady, hum-m-m, drum
Make patterns up
All day long"
I just read Doug's posting from Sunday. The Alfred Magazine came yesterday and reinforced the 'orphan feeling' as I read the class notes for 1941. I do miss both Mom and Dad, especially in the autumn and around Thanksgiving. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I'm trying to think ahead and hope that Doug, Jeanette, and Ian will be in the City with Sherm and that we can meet!
The need to journal and evaluate and get control of that 'fight or flight' feeling all resonate with me. Now I have to do it!
Much love to all,
Cathy
I wrote a poem for Election Day:
"Rain patters down
Steady, hum-m-m, drum
Make patterns up
All day long"
I just read Doug's posting from Sunday. The Alfred Magazine came yesterday and reinforced the 'orphan feeling' as I read the class notes for 1941. I do miss both Mom and Dad, especially in the autumn and around Thanksgiving. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I'm trying to think ahead and hope that Doug, Jeanette, and Ian will be in the City with Sherm and that we can meet!
The need to journal and evaluate and get control of that 'fight or flight' feeling all resonate with me. Now I have to do it!
Much love to all,
Cathy
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