Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Monday night's dream.

I had the strangest dream last night: In the dream, I must have been at a S.D.B. General Conference, because I was moving around from building to building, at one point running before dawn to a stone building, running up stone steps and going inside to get in a sauna and get a shower; at another point I was sitting in a dining area or bar having a conversation and suddenly realized I was talking with Dad -- there he was, sitting erect and carrying on an engaging and intelligent conversation with me -- and I turned to him (thinking to myself "he looks very real but I know I'm dreaming") and said "But Dad, you died July 11th". I can't remember if I kept dreaming after that or not. Not at all frightening, but very strange. That's what I woke up to.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Love to see you at the Tsuga fundraiser

Dear family,
I have been working on the memory book and thinking about Dad. I am glad to know that I am not the only sibling in this family that has and is having strong feelings in the wake of our father dying. Not that it changes how I feel but it is comforting to know that I am not alone. It was really nice to have Doug, Jeanette and Ian surprise us with a visit last Sunday. I got to play with Ian working with clay and "Sculpey". All of us went out to eat at a lakefront restaurant in Penn Yan. It was a relaxed time and so nice to be with family. I hope that we will see many of you in New Hampshire over Labor Day weekend. Barb and I plan to be at the fund raiser for Tsuga. See you there?!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

What to tackle next?

Hello Siblings and Nephews and Nieces,

It was wonderful to see almost all of you, and I only wish I'd had more time with each of you. I hope we can do a better job of getting together in the future, and that it won't be just for sad reasons when we do.

Jeanette and I got things pretty well taken care of after everyone left. Sherm helped with some of that, and we also took care of a bunch of business during the week he was here. For Jeanette's birthday, we (including Sherm) went out to lunch and dinner, so Sherm finally got to go to Cafe Za. Sherm seemed to find plenty to talk about with several of our friends, and we sure enjoyed having him around. He came with us to Wellsville, to check out the book-store we're interested in taking over. We'll see if we can work a reasonable deal . . .

Since then, Jeanette went through all the cards and wrote thank-yous for all the memorials that were sent. Ian has had a chance to spend time with some of his friends and is going to a birthday party today. I got to go hiking one day (I was going to go for three days, but I had gone for a ride on my bicycle the day before, and cut my heel, so I let it heal for a day before I went hiking). I have been trying to get bank accounts, stock, life insurance and Dad's estate details worked out. It's hard to know which to do first, but we're working on it. I'll be posting more stuff to the blog soon, and will hand off a bunch of cards and letters to Carol sometime soon, for the memory book. We'll be checking out the video from Dad's memorial this weekend.

With some sense of return to "normalcy" we have had more time to think about what has happened, and it has been difficult not to be overcome with sadness, sometimes at the oddest provocations.

This week, I had my first teeth cleaning since 1999 and Jeanette had to go to work for a day. Jeanette's mother is coming Tuesday, the day after I have my varicose vein removed by laser. Shortly after that, it's back to school for Jeanette and Ian.

We hope you are all well.


Monday, August 13, 2007


The postcard from Amanda was so right on. Dad didn't have a mean bone in his body. He was actually pretty savvy.
I think I am coming out of the shock stage and on to really missing him. I looked at a calendar to establish a date for a customer's reply to me, and without thinking put the date at August 4. Then it hit me, what August 4th has come to mean. I think we put our hearts into the memorial and celebration for Dad. How did the recording come out, Doug? Have you had a chance to listen to all or any part?
Yesterday, I finally finished unpacking from all the traveling during July. I did laundry and dishes, filled out orders for honey and a Memory Book for the Jewish New Year and actually wrote 2 thank yous to friends for condolences, called friends in Shirley I haven't seen for ages, took out the garbage. A normal Sunday.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

where is home?

You can't know (you can guess) how good the week in Alfred was for me. Doug, Jeanette, Ian and I did stuff together and separately until I left yesterday morning. The bus ride home went fine.

Usually when I visit Alfred, I'm not there long enough for us to settle into any reality, or even faux reality. That is, I don't have stuff to do myself and Doug and Jeanette feel they should spend time with me, so we circle around each other, flailing a bit. I stayed the whole week up on the hill though we spent some time at 33. The settling-in convinced me, along with nice chats with Lee and Walter and Elizabeth, that I could find a place for me in Alfred. I hope that Doug and Jeanette also felt that last week was somewhat real, and dreamy too.

I've been meandering the streets of NYC in a bit of a daze, not quite connecting. Since they did the reimaging of our computers in the office last week, I don't have the magic formula to get onto my office machine. The computers in the reference area are already signed on so I can go to an internet site such as gmail/blogger.

As we were waiting for the bus, we chatted with a black guy, also named Douglas, who was also waiting for the bus. He and his family have tried to figure out some of their family history (West Indies and U.K.) so naturally history buffs perked up their ears. Doug, the other Douglas doesn't have email but his street address:
Douglas Logwood
3423 Carpenter Rd., Lot 64
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
I gave him your street address which I hope is ok. Fair trade, and all that.

Friday, August 10, 2007

postcard from amanda snyder

Hi Clarke family--
Back in the 1970s when Dave was Exec. of the Bd. of Christian Ed., I wondered how a Christian could believe people who I knew were "con" people. Dave said: "Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean you have to be naive."
With Christ's love,
Amanda Snyder