not melting inside

When I first read the email about Dad coming "home" to the Southern Tier, I was feeling pretty good. I then finished up the NYU day and came up to MoMA for my moonlighting. It's now about time to leave MoMA so I thought I'd check the blog. The last few entries were a mix of encouraging and discouraging: mostly encouraging about financial matters but discouraging about Dad. The lack of interest in food doesn't surprise me a whole lot (though omnivorous, eating has never really mattered to Dad). Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised about the lack of acceptance of assistance, especially from known persons. Still, the temper tantrums seem weird though I certainly saw him clench his fist several times last week.

When I put on the subject line "not melting inside," I was mostly referring to the fact that it's actually pretty chilly here inside the MoMA offices and it was pretty chilly at NYU too. It feels good to go outside and get warm. That delight in the warmth doesn't last a whole long time. I don't have air conditioning at home which is fine. My upstairs neighbor has a poorly draining a.c. unit which drips into my window ledge unless I keep the window pretty closed. That's annoying.

Of course one could also take the "not melting inside" as metaphorical or allegorical. Inside me, it feels more like a meltdown than melting ice cream. I dream of sitting on Doug and Jeanette's hill and watching the sun go down. Jeanette, I was so sorry to hear about your deer collision.